And there’s tea, tea, tea, tea!
Did I mention to you that there’s tea?
Yorkshire and Rose Pouchong,
Darjeeling all day long,
And the best thing for me – the glorious tea!

There’s kippers and bangers and trotters and neaps,
And eau d’ the cows and the coal and the sheep.
Hideous carpeting, patterns gone wild.
Powerful Scrumpy Jack, custard that’s mild.
Costa for latté on every second street,
Vino in gelatin pastilles so sweet and neat.
Cold baths and kitchens, and cars inches wide
Beneath signs of Sanders – all Kent bucket fried.

And there’s tea, tea, tea, tea!
Did I mention to you that there’s tea?
Yorkshire and Rose Pouchong,
Darjeeling all day long,
And the best thing for me – the glorious tea!

Castles and hill forts and barrow galore,
Ruins and history filled with great gore.
Gingerbread Tudors of plaster and slate.
Hedgerows and thatch roofs and wrought iron gates
Wellies and anoraks, hankies for red noses.
Row after row of rockwalls decked with prim roses.
Half pints and quarter pints, niperkins too,
Ivy and yew trees and learning how to use the loo.

And there’s tea, tea, tea, tea!
Did I mention to you that there’s tea?
Yorkshire and Rose Pouchong,
Darjeeling all day long,
And the best thing for me – the glorious tea!

Londoners, Lincolners, Yorkshiremen, Geordies.
Oh, please, don’t talk quickly! I can’t get the wordies.
‘Dodgy’ and ‘pasty’ and ‘nappy’ and ‘grub’
‘Tomato,’ ‘potato,’ and ‘nip ‘round t’pub.
I’m finding relations who all were unknown before,
A warm, cozy nation of charming folks I adore,
Polite and outspoken, garish and grand,
I’m coming back soon to a right lovely band

(Who fill me with...)

Tea, tea, tea, tea!
Did I mention to you that there’s tea?
Yorkshire and Rose Pouchong,
Darjeeling all day long,
Cranberry Whitards and
Lady Gray hot and strong,
Mango and Passion Fruit
Sweet Dreams and Chai.
Oh, I’ll never drink Liptons again
No, never – not I!